In the popular series White Lotus, a Season Two sub-plot is a behavioral study of two marriages. Two ultra-successful, heterosexual couples are vacationing in Italy with adjoining suites at a swanky Sicilian hotel. Harper, wife number one, thinks she and husband, Ethan have a better marriage than the neighboring couple, Cameron and wife Daphne, whose marriage is less traditional and with an apparently vibrant sex life. Envious of Cameron and Daphne’s sexual intimacy, and dissatisfied with her own sexless marriage, Harper says to Ethan “We are too young to be this old.”
We watch the unfolding sexual tension in the two White Lotus marriages with rapt attention, yet we often lack the skills to deal with such issues in our own relationships. Some of us remain in an unfulfilling union rather than embark on an unknown journey that could ultimately lead to positive changes within the relationship. When was the last time you had an intimate discussion with your partner or frank discussion with your primary care physician (PCP) about sexual wellness? Why does this discussion seem off-limits? If we are truly “modern elders,” we need to recognize sexual wellness as an integral part of our life’s journey.
I’ve experienced two MEA Baja workshops and neither of them dealt with sex or sexual wellness as a group discussion. We certainly explored important personal growth topics designed to add clarity, meaning, and wisdom to our lives as Modern Elders. Topics included emotional, spiritual, and intellectual curiosity, our relationship with society and money and the feeling of worthiness, asking ourselves how much money is enough, and if money could talk…what would it say about you?
We are sexual beings, and surely sex is as integral to our lives as money. If we are to attain wisdom as sexual beings with healthy and vibrant sexual relationships, we need to ask questions, have frank discussions, and use all the resources available to us to enhance our sexual experiences. I suggest we add sexual wellness to the discussion of our lives as Modern Elders and consider the following questions:
-How is your sexual relationship with your partner?
-If sex is less frequent than you desire, what options exist?
-Have you been intimate with anyone beyond your primary relationship?
-If your path is a solo one, how do you maximize your sexual wellness?
-Have you had a discussion with your PCP about your sexual wellness?
Ask yourself, why is it challenging to have these conversations? What might you learn?
-Rocky
Rocky Blumhagen, two-time Baja MEA alum, 28 Degrees and Deep River. A Stanford DCI alum, ‘2019 and current Oxford University Next Horizons Scholar. A yoga and mindfulness practitioner. You can read Rocky’s expanded thoughts on this post here.
P.S. MEA is offering a workshop of emotional, romantic, and sensual/sexual intimacy with Esther Perel’s #1 protege Dené Logan at MEA Baja: Love’s Journey: Transforming Our Relationships March 4-9. Perfect for both singles, couples and friends.